Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Truly Vile Vinyl

So, there I was last night, surfing the internet, looking for an image that I could use as a new avatar. For those of you unfamiliar with the term, an avatar is a graphic image that serves as your 'identity', if you will, when posting on chat boards. But that's not important. What IS important is that in my search for a new one, I came across a virtual (literally) treasure trove of some of the world's worst album covers!

Some of these are so awful that I just HAD to share them with you:

Ooh la la! Looks like the Danish Hair Club for Men got themselves a night gig! And I'm pretty sure that the fat kid in the back on the left is the dude who played "Oliver" in the final season of The Brady Bunch. It turns out that "Stuffparty #1" was popular enough that they made "Stuffparty #2". No, that's not a joke, I'm serious.

Heino. Ever heard of him? Yes, you read's a him on that cover. Despite the roses, blonde pageboy cut, and the fey look and it's a MAN, baby. And while I only took one quarter of German at UGA, I believe "Liebe Mutter" translates as 'Love Mother'. Does this mean he loves his mother, or wants to love our mother, or he loves all mothers in general? Not quite sure what "Ein Blumenstauß, der nie verwelkt" means. If I'd have to guess, I'd say it translates as "Dude Looks Like a Lady".

Of course, you had to know that any discussion of tasteless album covers would include one that features some good ol' Southern Gospel singers. Seems the Louvin Brothers want us to know that Satan is real. While I've never listened to it, I'm sure that one minute with this album would make us all believers.

Eeeeeew! I always knew that fecalphelia had to have its own special smell. Now, thanks to Mr. Pooh-Man M. C. Pooh, it's even got its own SOUND.

I don't know if you could call this a 'bad' album per se. It's got pretty good production values (at least when compared to the rest of the crap I found), and considering the time this album came out (1979), the cover is pretty tame. But this certainly it has to top anyone's list of "Worst Foray Into Uncharted Territory By An Established Singer". What was the record label thinking? 'Merman belts out show tunes like a foghorn...and that's big bucks in disco!'?

Turns out that Miss Merman didn't record her own renditions of such disco classics as "Love to Love You Baby", or "How Deep Is Your Love", or even "Disco Duck". She actually recorded disco renditions of her own classics...including "There's No Business Like Show Business".

On second thought, this IS a truly bad album.


(children, please cover your eyes)

Words escape me.


Anonymous said...

the images did not stick
You might want to grab them
and host them yourself
Of course, that might be a © violation
but I won't tell

mrviognier said...

Hmmm. I did host them...could be that the original image size was too large. I've since re-sized the photos. Seems to be working now. Thanks for the heads-up!

Dessert Steve said...

"liebe mutter" translates as "dear mother" - corny stuff for sure...
The Louvin Brothers are mighty cool, though
Translation of "Ein Blumenstauß, der nie verwelkt" is so overtly erotic it'd make your readers blush ;)

mrviognier said...

Okay, I admit German isn't as bad as I pretend. Blumenstauß is a type of flower, no? So I THINK it translates as a flower that will not wilt, right?

Call it poetic license...still think that dude looks like a lady.