Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Praise The Baby!

n. pl. i·co·nog·ra·phies

Pictorial illustration of a subject.
b. The collected representations illustrating a subject.
2. A set of specified or traditional symbolic forms associated with the subject or theme of a stylized work of art.
3. The images and symbolic representations that are traditionally associated with a person or a subject; "religious iconography".

Saw this in a public restroom. No doubt it's religious in origin...more than likely dealing with the need to praise your baby as you prepare to take a dump.

I'm working on a humor-blogs icon, but - until I do - this link will have to do: HERE.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Passion Wagon.

Like a lot of Americans, I am not content with simply being passionate about something...I've got to let everyone know. And, like most Americans, I accomplish this by adorning my car with symbols of my passions, thus:

Everyone who passes my car knows that I love the Georgia Bulldogs and Ireland, right? It's there for all to see...and it's fairly subtle, right? Well, for some fanatics understatement is not to be found swimming in their gene pool. They need to make a BIG statement.

Take, for instance, this GMC van I spotted in a Phoenix parking lot. Nearly every square inch of this vehicle screamed, "I LOVE BETTY BOOP!"

Uh-huh. "Betty Boop" stickers on every door and window, "Betty Boop" emblazoned across the windshield, "Betty Boop" license plate...even "Betty Boop" on the horns mounted to the hood. I've no doubt that these horns bleat out, "Boop, oop, ee-doop!" when they're played.

Never saw the driver...but I'm imagining it's a grey-haired grandma. If it's not then someone is in need of serious psychiatric counseling!

And take my counseling...go now and check out

Saturday, September 20, 2008

My Dream Job, Vol. 1.

I often hear from friends that I've got a "dream job". Sure, making and selling wine can be a whole lot of fun, but it can often be just a job. That got me thinking: what would be my idea of a "dream job"?

I've often thought that it'd be fun to make a living creating names for college bands. Okay, so there's no such job out there, and - even if there were - it surely wouldn't pay squat. But, hey, it's a dream job, right? If I can dream up the job, then surely I'm allowed to dream up my salary, right? On the off-chance that there is indeed such a job position out there, let me just say that I'd be a shoe-in for the job. And if you just so happen to be that the person in charge of hiring for this job, consider this my resumé.

When it comes to crafting names for college bands, you're pretty much looking at three veins that you can mine. First, there are those names which somewhat oxymoronic in nature. The first half of the name is somewhat contradictory to the last half. For instance:
  • The Screaming Mimes
  • Laid-Low Erectors
  • Skinflint Spendthrifts
  • Primal Yawn
  • Snickering Stoics
Then there's the other path I'll call the "Popular Culture" route. That's when you use references and/or names from literature, movies or television...some well-known, but most are vague. My choices in this category would include:
  • Come Back, Shane!
  • Merkin Muffly
  • The Bethlehem Slouchers
  • Adam West Wannabes
  • His Boy Elroy
  • How High the Moon
And then there are those hailing from a third category which I'll file under "Miscellany". They very often only make sense to the band members themselves, and can be so vague as to lead most to believe there was a lot of alcohol (or some other stimulant) involved. Hence:
  • Too Many Todds
  • Percolated Youth
  • Misspent Fuzz
  • Rickshaw Killers
  • Prehistoric Misanthropes
  • Drive-by Dustbunnies
  • Must Love Porkchops
  • Wide-Eyed Latin Orphans
  • Two-bit Carnies
Yeah, I could see myself raking in the big-time dough with a job like this!

Anyone know where I could submit my application?

And I'd like to submit that you'd have a few laughs by checking out

Thursday, September 18, 2008

One Grand Hotel.

Where has the time gone?

Lately, my time has gone into working the Arizona market. I love Arizona. It's got world-class restaurants, world-class people, and - this time of year - a world-class definition of the phrase "but it's a dry heat".

This Tuesday I was in Jerome, Arizona...a small town located just outside of Sedona. Perched about a mile high on the side of a mountain, Jerome affords stunning views of the Verde Valley...especially if you're looking out from the windows of the Jerome Grand Hotel. Driving up from Sedona into this town I couldn't help but feel that Jerome has more in common with a rustic town in the Northern Rhône Valley than with Arizona. Closely-grouped old buildings, switch-back, narrow roads, breathtaking views.

I easily fell in love with Jerome, and you can bet I'll get back here soon...and often. And hopefully in the company of my wife, Amie.

You know there's at least one other guy who loves Jerome, too: John McCain. He spends a lot of time here when he's "home", and I can appreciate why. His favorite restaurant is - The Asylum - is located just inside the hotel. I was the guest at a wonderful wine dinner here Tuesday night. Trust me...the food (and the setting) are worth the trip.

Sitting at the table with fellow diners, the evening's discussion swayed towards the upcoming presidential election. Given that this place could very well become the new "Western White House", the locals had plenty to say.

It was during this discussion that the only unsettling part of my stay in Jerome came to pass. I was informed by the owners of The Asylum that the very chair I was sitting in was recently occupied by none other than Mitt Romney.

Eeeeeew. I guess that would explain why I was suddenly overcome with a desire to get ahold of $40 million and flush it down the toilet!

And before you flush, go check out

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Taking 'em to The Woodshed.

I've no excuse for my pitiful lack of posts these past few weeks. It seems that life has been getting in the way. Our winery move from Paso Robles to San Luis Obispo is nearly complete (one more truckload to go!), and Amie and I have nearly unpacked every moving box in our new home. It feels great to be nearly moved in!

The one sour note in our new home has been with our television service. We utilized DishTV service in our old home, and I was fairly pleased with it. I was pleased enough that, when we moved, I decided to transfer the service to our new home. When the technician came to hook us up, he had some bad news: the only place he could locate the dish antenna was directly in front of the screen door leading out onto the porch.

Nixing that idea, I called Charter Communications, who informed me that they could hook up TV service the very next day. I specifically asked the Charter rep if they offered ESPN's "Gameplan" being college football season, and I need to watch my Bulldogs. The rep said, "of course", so I quickly signed on.

Long story short? She lied. It would appear that I am one of 15% of the nation who cannot get this package. What a pisser.

So it was that I spent four hours yesterday in my home office, logged onto the computer, watching the Georgia/Central Michigan game on ESPN's "360". I was frankly amazed at the quality of the feed and the resolution. It was almost as good as watching it on my big screen TV, but not quite.

If you haven't heard, Georgia beat the Chippewas like they owned them: 56 to 17. The game featured great performances by Matt Stafford, Mohammad Massaquoi, Asher Allen, and - of course - Knowshon Moreno. In a 3rd quarter effort to pump up his tiring team, Knowshon actually hurdled one of the defensive players!

I had the pleasure of attending UGA during the 'salad days' of Herschel Walker et al. Hershel was an amazing player...but he was the kind of player who'd put his head down and plow into/through you. Moreno on the other hand will spin, juke, and hurdle around/over you. He's an amazing talent to watch. While Herschel was a Mack truck, Knowshon is a Porsche.

Watching the game also allowed my family and I to get a better look at UGA VII, Georgia's new mascot. There's definitely a family resemblence between UGA and his sister, our beloved Dawg, VIVI. The boys are sure excited to meet UGA next month when we go back 'between the hedges' for the Georgia/Tennessee game!

I promise to catch up on my posts soon. Thanks for droppin' by!

And I'd appreciate you droppin' by to check out now. Thanks!