4.) Instruct the bartender to, "Be a good fellow and fetch me the wine list...and while you're at would you mind switching the channel to the Bravo Network?"
3.) Slowly stir your drink, tear at your cocktail napkin, and between sobs pout, "What's a brother gotta do to get a hug around here?"
2.) Proudly show off your t-shirt emblazoned with the slogan, "Free Mustache Rides".
1.) Laugh at your beer-drinking buddy, toss your head back and loudly proclaim: "I'm reminded of what Oscar Wilde once said..."
I invite your suggestions...