From Our "Pissing Away Taxpayer's Money" Department...

For those of you unaware, the state of Pennsylvania serves as the primary retailer of alcoholic beverages within its borders. And, like most business better suited to private enterprise, the PA government does a horrifically bad job as a liquor retailer. And, while you normally get what you pay for, the fine citizens of the Keystone State sure don't. They actually get to pay higher prices for such crappy service.*

The whole shebang is operated by the Pennsylvania Liquor Control Board (PLCB for short). The PLCB recently announced that it was spending more than $173,000 to spruce up their nearly 650 stores. Better selections? New signs? Cleaner stores? No, no and no. The money is being spent in hiring a consulting firm that will train store employees to be more courteous. It would appear my belief that PA drinkers pay too much would be right: even in these scant economic times, the PLCB can just piss their (uh...if you live in PA, your) money away!

That's right. Some bright bulb at the PLCB feel that these government employees need to learn to be nicer! They want to make sure clerks are saying "hello," "thank you" and "come again" as they stick it to their customers. Having encountered more than my fare share of these dairy cows masquerading as retailers, I can tell you that - on its face - it's not a bad idea. The ones that I've met have a fairly fatalistic outlook on their career choice. Like most ineffectual governmental employees, these members of the PLCB must have as their motto, "Sure I'm dead wood...but you can't fire me!"

Let's see...there are about 4,000 PLCB employees. $173,000 divided by 4,000 is $43.25. Hell, pay me $20 per employee and I'll just kick 'em in the ass and say, "Smile and be happy you're living off the state teat!" Should affect the same results. I can pretty much guarantee you that the terms "gracious customer service" and "government employee" are mutually exclusive. ..or at least are to the point that no amount of money spent on training will change things. Here's just a suggestion - and I'm just spit-balling here - why don't you just DISMANTLE THE WHOLE DAMN PLCB SYSTEM?!?

Now, to be sure, there have been a few candidates for Governor in PA who have voiced agreement that the whole PLCB should be abolished. That's before they've assumed office. I can only guess that no sitting Governor wants to be remembered as the one who gave 4,000 employees (read: voters) their pink slips. Well, don't you think being made redundant has become en vogue these days? Everyone employer is doing it...so why not add a few more to the ranks in Pennsylvania?

In my experiences selling wine around the globe, there's only one state that surpasses Pennsylvania for sheer ineptitude and idiocy in its regulations and selling of alcoholic beverages. That state would be Utah. But, hell, at least they have an excuse: their state is linked pretty intimately with the Mormon faith. What's PA's excuse?

Do yourself a favor: find ANY excuse not to buy your booze in the state of Pennsylvania. Even if the clerk does smile and say, 'have a nice day'.

* "How crappy?" you ask? So crappy, that Philadelphia residents took to the roads, and were driving over to nearby Cherry Hill, NJ to buy their booze from cheaper, privately-owned and operated retailers. And, in a flourish of typical governmental efficiency, the state of Pennsylvania found a solution...no, not in lowering prices and increasing service, but by staking out NJ liquor stores and pulling over anyone driving a car with PA plates as soon as they crossed the border. THAT'S how crappy!