"Well, We've Never Heard of You, Either."

For those of you unfamiliar with what I do for a living, let me tell you: I'm a winemaker. That's right, my wife and I own a small winery on the Central Coast of California. Owning a winery might sound like a dream job, but let me tell you, the reality can oft-times be a nightmare. Don't get me wrong...I love what I do; however, it's just like any other job in that it's, well, a job.

One of the drawbacks to being a winery owner/winemaker is having to put up with wine snobs. You've probably come across the type...the kind that, if given half a chance, drones on and on about such subjects as what's better, left- or right-bank 1991 Bordeaux, the ageability of Chilean Chardonnay, etc., etc. The type of guy (they're almost always guys) who probably got the shit kicked out of him every week in high school for being such a wonk.

I've little patience for pretentious wine snobs (unless of course, they're actually buying my wines), as evidenced by the fact that, some 11 years ago, we adopted as our winery slogan "Well, We've Never Heard of You Either." It's emblazoned on our t-shirts, posters, and (until recently) on our website. It pretty much sets the proper tone...and serves as a standard response to what is usually the first thing people say when they hear the words, "Garretson Wine Company."

Before we settled on, "Well, We've Never Heard of You Either.", I had auditioned a few other slogans...most of which were vetoed by my partner (a.k.a. 'my wife'). I'd like to share with you my Top 10:

MY TOP TEN FAILED WINERY SLOGANS

10.) "If you're not completely satisfied...welcome to the real world."
9.) "Why Pay Less?"
8.) "The purchase of just one bottle of our wine each week can feed and clothe my children for an entire month!"
7.) "It's supposed to taste like that."
6.) "Your pathetic ignorance to these grape varieties is more than overcome to my total commitment to them."
5.) "Better wines than you deserve."
4.) "Celebrate a lifestyle that you'll never attain!"
3.) "With perhaps the exceptions of rock stars, sports celebrities and just about anyone with a lot of money, chicks dig Garretson wine drinkers the most."
2.) "Where quality is more than a slogan. It's a noun."
1.) "I've suffered for my art. Now it's your turn."

While we've gone 11 years with one slogan, I'm always looking for one better. And I'm open to your ideas. Anyone? Bueller?

Here's a great slogan: "Click now on humor-blogs.com!"