Life Stinks.

Ah, the memories of childhood. There are sights, sounds and experiences from that time in our lives that we all hold dear. As I've approached mid-life, I - like so many men before me (and no doubt after) - often find myself trying to recapture those early days...the salad days, if you will. Stereotypically, this involves a red sports car, and, eventually, a lawyer. Being happily married, I've instead opted to relive my childhood the non-litigious, old fashioned way: through my two sons, Jack and Thom.

It was this desire to revisit my childhood that drove Santa this Christmas to send us three board games that I really enjoyed as a kid: Stratego, Risk and Life. All three of the board games had made a fairly big impression on me as a child...and I thought would prove similarly enjoyable to Jack and Thom. Last night we finally broke out "The Game of Life". Do you remember this game? It had it all. The board itself was a little diorama, with churches, mansions, sweeping curves...and an entrancing, spinning wheel that was, no doubt, Merv Griffin's inspiration for Wheel of Fortune.

As a kid, playing Life was a heady experience. You got your own car. You got paper money every payday, and with regular raises! And, if you were lucky, your car would soon fill up with a wife and kids. At the end of it all, you'd end up in 'retirement', a winner...cashing in your home and counting down all the money you had at the end of the game. Life was fun!

And, why the heck wouldn't it be? After all, Art Linkletter himself "heartily endorsed this game". I don't know if you remember, but when it came to kids and kid-related stuff, old Art's endorsement was a big deal in its day. It was tantamount to a Papal blessing.

Now, thirty seven years since I last played Life, I've learned something new about this game: it sucks. First off, it drags on for hours. It's so excruciatingly boring that, if I - as a kid - were to think that the game of Life in some way was representative of life itself, I would have cashed in my chips long ago. Secondly, there's little (read: no) 'thrill of the game' to this game. I thought perhaps I was alone in this sentiment, but I was not. Looking over at my wife, Amie, it was obvious that we both felt a letdown...Life was not as fun as we remembered it.

But perhaps my distaste for Life is due to my age...as Shakespeare said, "A man loves the meat in his youth that he cannot endure in his age". Well, perhaps...but not if my kids are any judge. Within 30 minutes of playing this game - a game which can, if you let it, march at a pace that's positively geologic - we had all had enough.

If Art Linkletter were alive today, my family would be hunting him down, demanding he "heartily" refund our money.

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