A Chicago woman who claims a drunken man in a Santa Claus suit stumbled and fell on top of her, knocking her face-first into the sidewalk outside a Chicago restaurant, is taking the overly-jolly man to court.Antoinette Basso filed suit today against the allegedly inebriated St. Nick, Daniel E. Aulwes, claiming negligence and negligent battery for the Dec. 7, 2008, incident outside the restaurant in the 1000 block of West Monroe Street.
Basso was standing on the sidewalk outside the restaurant when Aulwes "under the influence of alcohol to a certain degree and ... unable to walk in a safe manner" fell on top of her.
She hit her face on the sidewalk, suffering "pain ... disability and disfigurement," according to the Cook County circuit court lawsuit. She is seeking more than $50,000 in damages.
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Now, I always thought that such blatantly frivolous lawsuits were the exclusive domain of the citizens of California. It would appear not. I can just hear this cheesy lady's testimony...sung to the immortal strains of that equally cheesy Xmas classic, 'Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer':
"My face got disfigured by drunk Santa,
outside of a restaurant -- December Eighth.
A bourbon-pickled, jolly dressed-up Santa,
the drunkard’s actions really sealed his fate.
The bastard’s going to pay for his wrong deeds now, My lawyer says he’ll pay me -- through the nose.
We’ll take as much as judge and jury will allow,
We’ll take his home, his car and his Santa clothes.”
I know, I know...I've missed my true calling. And I could have gone one stanza better, but that would have invariably necessitated the use of the plaintiff's name, "Basso" and a common slang for your backside.
Enjoy your weekend!
4 comments:
yes, a wonderful song indeed. maybe there's hope for you yet in the spotlight!
Naw, Mark...I prefer to be the power behind the throne, al la Bernie Taupin to Elton John.
That congers up a different set of images.
Oh, you;re RIGHT. Eeeeew.
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