Flying Garbage Dump.

There was a time that I really liked to fly America West Airlines. They offered very reasonable fares, and direct service from my home base of San Luis Obispo to Phoenix (as opposed to LAX) and points beyond. The planes they operated and the folks that manned them were bright and cheery...the hallmark of an airline whose employees seemed to enjoy their jobs. It was an airline that was going places.

Unfortunately, where they went was into a merger with U.S. Airways.

I recently had the unpleasant need to fly U.S. Air on two separate round-trips. If there's a U.S. airline with dirtier planes and surlier flight crews, I sure as hell pity those passengers. I flew on six different U.S. Airways' planes, and every one of them looked as tattered and dirty as a college frat house after a week-long kegger. Threadbare upholstery, layers of dirt in every nook and cranny...just the kind of upkeep that screams: "You think this is bad, you should see the cockpit!"

On one outbound leg from Phoenix to Las Vegas we were advised by the captain that the internal power unit which assisted engine start was inoperative. "No problem, though," he assured us all, "we can use the ground unit." Two hours later and no engine start. Seems the ground APU was trashed, too. Like the unkempt interior of their planes, this was another sure sign that this airline is on the ropes financially, and corners are being cut.

And as for the flight attendants, gate staff and pilots I met? Let's just say there's no more of that eye of the tiger gleam in their eyes I'd see on America West flights. These days it's more like the eye of the dairy cow. The expression of a U.S. Airways' employee was either that of, 'don't fuck with me, I'm union' or 'just biding my time until something better opens up'.

I know, I know...bemoaning the state of U.S. Airways is like shooting fish in a barrel. It's too easy a target. But it was either bitching about them or raggin' on Elliot Spitzer...which is what every other blogger seems to be writing about right now.

Word to the wise: don't give U.S. Airways your business.

"Thanks for flying us...buh-bye now...and check humor-blogs.com out. Buh-BYE!"