Sand in the Vaseline.

I was surfing over the internet news feeds, trying to catch up on what was happening in the world. It seems like today's big news is the same big news that was yesterday's big news: unrest in the Middle East. I was surprised to find that the news wonks over at CNN.com saw fit to give equal billing with the recent Israeli attacks on Hammas to a man and a woman from England accused of having sex on the beach in Dubai. Alas, it's true: as if there wasn't enough pain and suffering in the Middle East, now they're importing more. And it's in the guise of two puffy-faced Brits having sex on the beach.

Used to be that anytime I consented to sex on the beach I was given a fruit-laden Vodka shooter. Nasty things, those drinks...which is why I guess they named it, 'sex on the beach'. Have you ever had beach sand stuck in your genitals? Not fun at all...just like the drink.

Anyhow, it seems that two folks from the UK - a Mr. Vince Acors, 34, and Michelle Palmer, 36 - were enjoying an all-you-can-drink Champagne binge at a Dubai nightclub. One thing (and, it would appear, one glass) led to another, and before you could say, "Who's wearing the Champagne Goggles?!", these two were snogging together on the beach. I'm reckoning that it wasn't at all like that infamous "From Here to Eternity" scene.

Due to the strict Muslim laws in Dubai, from here to eternity is what they just might be facing. Okay, not really. Just three months in jail.

Looking at these two is proof positive that over-imbibing on alcoholic beverages is a surefire way to get those - um - less-attractive of our species in a conjugal mood.

But, really, Dubai? Haven't you been building your reputation (and increasingly massive pleasure domes) in hopes of making a modern-day Gammorah, a place so decadent that it makes Las Vegas look like Romper Room? A place where over-indulgence of everything...food, material goods, and alcohol is not only condoned but approved of and provided for? Now, I might not be a Muslim, but I do think that there's at least one passage in the Koran that speaks harshly against the consumption of alcohol. And I'd say it's a pretty fair bet that there's a lot of promiscuity going on - and perhaps even condoned - in and around those pleasure domes.

Guess that's all okey-dokie with Dubai....as long as you don't do it on the beach. Seems the officials in Dubai have drawn an arbitrary line in that sand...and the line crosses over anything resembling a horizontal mombo upon it.

Kinda silly if you ask me. Better have me a drink...and, no, not a sex on the beach.