Little Miss Pissy.

Airline travel isn't pretty. Flights are always overbooked and, increasingly, canceled. They fall victim to the whims of weather and flow control, and, by market necessity, a need to be value-priced. As a result, not only has the quality of airline travel declined but so has the quality of airline employees.

In the course of my travels I am always amazed by the number of passive aggressive airline employees I encounter. You've no doubt encountered the type...perpetually pissed off. Pissed off about everything. Now I try to empathize with these folks. They take a lot of crap from equally pissed off customers. Although I'm at my airline's highest level of frequent flier status (and therefore, judging by the attitudes of my fellow elite status fliers, expected to be a demanding asshole), I go out of my way to be nice to airline employees. These folks get beat up so often on a daily basis that they need a smiling face every now and then. It can make their day (mine, too), and can very often work to my advantage when it comes to missed connections, etc.

But then their are those airline employees that are so pissed off at life that they're beyond hope. They view their jobs as a way of pissing off the customer, playing little games of exercising what little power they have.

Last weekend I was flying home from the east coast. My flight was delayed into DFW...so late that I knew I had missed my connecting flight to LAX. As soon as we landed I powered up my phone and called the Executive Platinum hotline. I explained to the agent that I needed to see about getting re-booked on the next available flight to LAX. She was extremely accommodating, getting me the last available seat on the very next flight out...a flight that would (if it arrived on time) still allow me to make my previously-scheduled final connection for the trip home. "I almost hate to ask," I confided, "but any chance for an upgrade?" "You've got the last available seat...and that's in First Class, Mr. Garretson." It's the little things like that keep me a happy customer.

So, I deplane, board the tram, and hike over to the gate for my flight out of DFW. I walk up, hand over my ticket jacket, smile to the gate agent and say, "How are you?" Without looking up from her keyboard she says in a monotone voice, "What can I help you with?" "I missed my connection, but should already be booked on this flight," I told her. "Really?" she said as she finally looked up, "we'll just see about that."

It quickly dawned on me that this lady was obviously in the aforementioned camp of those pissed off employees beyond hope.

She spent the next three minutes (yes, I timed her) typing on her keyboard. "Wow, that's a lot of typing for one ticket," I said. Her response was a smirk. The agent next to her pulled up my ticket...which clearly was marked "First". As this agent handed it over to me, my agent intercepted it and tore it in half. "Is there a problem?" I asked. "I'm putting you back in Coach," she informed me, "First Class has already checked in full." "If it had already checked in full, then how could you have issued me the ticket you just ripped up?" I queried. "Oh, there is one seat left, but that's for an elite flier." she smirked. "Hmmm, last time I checked I was an Executive Platinum customer...aren't I?" I smiled to her. "Well...if you want, I could put you on the upgrade list," she offered. I asked her to do this, she complied, typing away, and then said, "You're first on the upgrade list."

Less than two minutes later she called me back to the gate, and handed me my First Class ticket. "Was all of that really worth your wasted time and effort?" I asked her, to which she said, "It was...to me."

Amazing. Little power plays like that are a waste of everyone's time. Makes me wonder if I shouldn't be more of an asshole frequent flier.

And you'll be upgraded to some First Class fun if you click onto humor-blogs.com.