Monday, April 14, 2008

Second Verse Same as the First (only a Hulluva Lot Worse)!

Yesterday afternoon Amie and I took our youngest son, Thomas, shopping for birthday presents for his brother (and our oldest son), Jack. As we perused the toy aisles, Thom and I were overcome by the large swaths of shelf space relegated to the two latest installments of Hollywood's ongoing saga, "Quick! We Need a Blockbuster for the Summer!"


The idea here is to fill the cinemas to capacity. To accomplish this (or so goes the thinking), Hollywood needs to crank out a movie which, a: kids are going to be so eager to see that they'll whine their parents into submission and take them, and/or b: tugs at the sentimental strings of the parent's childhood memories. To accomplish the former, they barrage kids with flashy previews on TV, promotional tie-ins with fast-food chains, and fill the toy stores with movie-specific gee-gaws. For the later, Hollywood producers dredge up old cartoons and kid shows of the sixties, seventies and eighties for their stories.

And so it was last night that Thom and I came face-to-face with an entire aisle of a toy store dedicated to Iron Man and Speed Racer crap.



Now, don't get me wrong. I certainly don't begrudge Hollywood the right to make a buck...especially when it comes to producing such wholesome family entertainment like The Flintstones Movie...a movie that was, after all, so damn good that they actually had the temerity to release a sequel.





Every year Hollywood goes back to the same drawing board, and spews out the same hokum. The results are almost always dismal. Despite its track record, Hollywood keeps a-forging ahead with these types of movies. What was that Einstein said about the definition of insanity? Something about doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results?



They made that movie too. It was called Pollyana.

The American movie history has a rich history of attempting to resurrect these memories of our childhood, done in the hope of creating A Brand that will allow the producers plenty of dough for a new Maybach and Botox treatments well into their dotage.



And, given the track record they have for exceeding our expectations, I have no doubt that Iron Man and Speed Racer will do extremely well...


...when it's released in China and Eastern Europe.






Movies like these must really gain something in translation.





And while you're eagerly anticipating these summer blockbusters, go bust a gut at humor-blogs.com.

2 comments:

avogle said...

Yes - I am soooo over this trend. I mean, show me a film version that is better than its television counterpart and I'll gladly hand over the title to my crappy Ford Explorer, no questions asked. What they did to Dukes of Hazzard made me die a little on the inside. If they ever think of touching Webster, that'll be my cue to call up Richard Branson and book my ticket on his rocket ride to Mars.

Mat Garretson said...

OOOH! "Dukes of Hazzard"! Completely forgot about that misstep. Used to work with a guy in Gainesville, GA who was a regular on the TV series.