Heart-Stopping Junk Food Moment.

I proudly will admit that I am not overly-fond of junk foods. If you catch me wolfing down nachos, there's a 90% certainty that there's a ball game on*. On the other hand, if there's popcorn nearby, I'm either in a cinema or watching a movie from the comfort of my family room. Do I drink Coke? Sure, if there's Bourbon in it...other than that I really have to be in the mood. And you'll rarely - if ever - find me jonesing for a candy bar. I just don't have a sweet tooth**.

And when it comes to that quintessential junk food - the potato chip - there's only one brand that gets my motor purring: Jays. If there's a bag of Jays within arms reach of me, rest assured it's soon gonna be an empty bag. My addiction to Jays potato chips makes Amy Winehouse's addiction to meth look positively Pat Boone-ish.
If you're not familiar with Jays, one thing is for certain: you're not from the Midwest. Founded in Chicago in 1927 by a one Leonard Japp, Sr., Jays - or Japp's as they were known then - quickly rose to regional prominence. In 1941 the brand changed names to "Jays" for obvious reasons***. I have fond memories of devouring bags of their original potato chip when I would visit my grandmother who lived in downtown Chicago, right on Michigan Avenue overlooking Grant Park and Lake Michigan. Great memories, those.

Sadly, Jays never made it national. So when I'd make regular trips back to the Midwest to sell my wine, I always made at least one meal out of a big bag...and brought more home to savor.

Now that I've shared with you my addiction for Jays Original Potato Chips, then perhaps you'll have a better idea as to why my heart skipped a beat last Sunday while grocery shopping. There, stacked on an aisle-end display were scores of brown boxes with the familiar blue Jays logo! I thought to myself two things: "It COULDN'T be...could it?" and "I wonder how much money I've got in my checking account...and is it enough to by every bag this store has?"

Sadly, my passions were short-lived****. As you can see, the boxes were filled with other products, not Jays. And when asked if they could get Jays, the store manager looked at me like I was a man possessed. I was...but in a good way.

So, do a disposessed potato chip junkie a favor? If you see a bag of Jays Original Potato Chips, ship it my way, would ya?


I'm starting to get the shakes real bad.
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*As for the other 10% of the time? I'm more than likely drunk.

**Much to my son Jack's dismay. When I once asked him to show me his sweet tooth, he opened his mouth, pointed to one tooth, then quickly moved his finger away and said, "Actually, dad, they're all sweet tooths."

***Although I could see the possibilities of turning this wartime liability into a sales asset. They could have started a campaign that would have donated 1% of sales into the purchase of War Bonds. Think of the ad campaign: "Eat a Japp and Win the War!" Hmmm. Maybe that's why I'm still looking for a job?

****Like my checking account.