Mayonnaise Helper.

Miracle Whip.

Is there a fouler condiment stocked on the average American grocery store shelf? I don't think so. I remember the first time I tasted it: I spit it out. It made me think, "So, this is how mayonnaise tastes when it goes bad." I gave it a few tries since that day, and the result is still the same. The only miracle I can see in this crap is that people actually buy it. And like it.

Miracle Whip was born out of necessity...during the Great Depression. Seems that mayo was a tad bit expensive, and a Salem, Illinois-based restaurateur got the bright idea to cut mayonnaise with salad dressing. Think of it as Hamburger Helper for mayo, and you get the idea. In 1931, sensing a good thing (and a great profit), the folks at Kraft paid the developer $300 for his recipe. Two years later, at the 1933 Chicago World's Fair, Kraft debuted their newly-won condiment to the world. And, hard as it is for me to believe, the world raved about it.

Yuck!

Now don't get me wrong. I'm a big-time mayonnaise fan. I like it with my french fries, occasionally with my burger, and it forms one third of the holy trinity that is pimento cheese. Think you don't like pimento cheese? You've never tasted real, Southern pimento cheese. But adding salad dressing to your mayonnaise?! There's something slightly sacrilegious about that if you ask me. America is doing all it can to keep out of another Great Depression. We don't need this reminder of just how bad it may actually get.

So, why am I ranting about Miracle Whip? Last Friday, Amie's dad flew back to Minneapolis after a visit with us. He loves Miracle Whip. I was grabbing some water out of the refrigerator last night when I noticed the barely-utilized jar of this stuff. "Do you want me to keep this?" I asked Amie. She got a sour face and shook her head 'no'.

I tossed the jar into the recycling bin. I'm so pleased Amie shares my disdain for this pseudo condiment. It made me realize just how much I love my wife.